Finding Myself (Part 20)

Part 20: A momentous ending to this chapter of noodle.

Hey, World. You should feel honored and proud to be present during the great transformation of noodle into Nate. Nate the Great?

Things feel as if they are finally working. Kinda like puzzles pieces fitting together, but more subtle than that. I have been thinking these thoughts for a long time, so the change in my head isn't so sudden, but rather gradual. It is my actions that have taken the most abrupt change in course. Though it may not seem that the things that have changed are very significant, but they are to me. They are to me.... You have to start somewhere, right?

It is the beginning of a new world - My world. And just the very thought of it fills me with excitement and stuff. I'm finally taking charge, if only a bit at first. It will grow. I will grow.

And though I am transforming into this "Nate" creature that is still largely foreign and unknown to me, I will still carry with me - hopefully - the good and best parts of Noodle. 'Cuz I say so.

So feel honored and proud, World. Or else.

BLarglggllfg (Part 19)

I keep feeling sad...usually, and I feel like doing something drastic to change my situation, but I don't know where to start.

I want friends, and all this other stuff that involves having friends. INSANITY. Okay.

Like, yeah, no. Insanity! Yes, yeah.

No? Yeah, insanity.

I wish I were a vampire right now. Just something different. Change into a hawk and go flying around. I can almost feel it already. I think I know what it would be like, and it would be so...right to go flying like that.
Vampires can turn into hawks and stuff.

Ok, I'm so going running after I finish typing this. NEED ZEE ENDORPHINS.

I'm tired of being lame, and lately I've actually been doing stuff that I'd said I would.

"Do what you say and say what you do." Ho ho ho.

"Truth is Beauty and Beauty is Truth.
That is all ye know and all ye need to know." Har har har.

Tired tired tired!

PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE. Okay. Insanity.
I don't know what I'm talking about.

I wish I had a running partner. And someone to hang out with at night when I get sick of my family. I have Eli, I keep forgetting that. But, meh. I guess I just want to complain and wish for stuff I don't have.

LKGFJSDLKGJSLKFJsdkgjf:LJGDSD:Fghj ;lafgj fdlg. Yeah. Basically. How'd you know? I didn't even.

What else? Uh, I'm going to meet with the Jehova Witnesses tomorrow at noon or Thursday after noon. I'm not very excited about it, and I think I'm starting to think of it as like...work. Not sure if I want to keep it going for very much longer. I don't get much out the meetings, and the longer I do keep the meetings going, the more effect their brainwashing has on me.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Should I move out? I'm not ready. I need a job and I need to network to find a place to stay. I need to start doing stocks and stuff to get a secondary source of income. Maybe I'm stupid and foolish and arrogant or maybe it's because of my upbringing, but I've always imagined myself in the future to never have money problems. I can't imagine myself working a 40 hr/week job. That's just insane. And I don't even want to think about working more than that.
I read about this girl paying her own way through college in this U-25 magazine run by the USAA insurance company. In her 4 years of college, her average work hours per week surpassed 60 hours, she slept no more than like 5 hours a night, and she had a full set of classes on top of that. THAT's just insane. Insanity again. Hmm.

I will go crazy. But who knows, maybe I won't. I don't know anything, but I do know some things and I don't know what they are. Maddening, as I've said before.
Seriously going to explode. Serious.

NO MORE TALKING. Running time. I could write something I might regret if I continue.

I NEED A LIFE! Bursting at the seems.

OMG!

Merry New Year.

And Happy Yew Near.

I'm going running now.

Gooba

Gooba: It can used for both of us, right?

You mean so much to me, your kisses warm my heart.

Finding Myself (Part 18)

It hurts so good....

I'yam what I'yam.

Hmm, I guess this is what adolescence is for. What LIFE is for, tjkgldfjg!
It's better to know them, but it aches so much that you just want to forget them completely.
Would it really feel good to be with someone, or am I just romanticizing it like every other teenager?

"Be strong by yourself instead of always waiting or depending on another to fix all your worries." Is it that? Or is not applicable?

I think I know that it would fix me. I'm a teamplayer, not a lonestar. I require another in order to operate. Or do I? lkjgldfjg I don't know.

I'm getting tired of saying it...

So...

Schmappy Hurglemeister.

Finding Myself (Part 17)

Huzzah for more insight!

Just read:

http://www.unm.edu/~humanism/socvsjes.htm

and talked about it with Mom and Dad. Hmm.